It’s funny, the works of life. My favourite subject – people, never fails to bore me. It fascinates me, and upsets me and makes me wonder.
Had an interesting discussion with some of my colleagues this morning. One of them was apprehensive about raising a child, not for the lack of finances really, but because of the sheer fear of not being able to provide the right kind of ‘environment’ to a baby. It’s true, with the kind of moral values that we grew up with, we haven’t really turned out the way we were ‘’supposed” to. Now, with whatever little we have to offer, we might not even be able to raise a child with basic humane instincts and this is plain scary. I mean, if you look at kids these days, their confidence and attitude takes away from their basic innocence and to be honest with you, it is quite a put-off. It’s a pity that they will not be lucky enough to hear from their grandparents, innocent stories of their childhood. They are told from day 1 that they got to be ”razor sharp” or else they will be doomed… How sad is that? The world really is going to dogs…
I am in a thinking mode – last evening itself I was talking about how we have let go off our ‘niceness’ layer by layer because of external circumstances. It really is sad that nice=foolish in today’s world. People around are intentionally mean, and devilish and manipulative and begrudging and they look at you with hungry eyes to be part of the darker side. Till when can a person hold on to the hope of a nicer berth? To the desire of being surrounded by intrinsically warm people? Where people do not plot against each other and just evolve as true spirited bunch of visionaries? Where there are no ulterior motives all the time, even between friends?
Watched ‘Rocket Singh’ last night – the movie is quite something. It draws a candid picture of how people work – that to move ahead, crushing a few heads is a normal thing, where success needn’t necessitate unadulterated joy and peace. Success has it’s own identity and it is not relevant if you have people to share it with… As you grow higher, you keep secluding yourself – the circle narrows in and by the time you’re high up, you have nobody to fall back upon… Honestly, I would rather not be up there and alone coz I am sure by the time I reach there, I will bitter, with no unconditional love and a deactivated power button to give. I would rather share sweets with a bunch of warm, affectionate people than sit back alone and dupe my misery as a wondrous state of accomplishment, independence and success.
Maybe I am influenced by movies and this could just be yet another anecdote corroborating the level of my maturity, but I think I feel good about the fact that I still have hope. It keeps me going. When the dark side pulls me down, the faint reflection of a shimmering light gives me the strength to fight it out. I don’t want to crush heads, I don’t want to fool my ownself, I don’t want to.
Am I being a foolish child hoping for foxes to turn rabbits in a deep dark jungle? Maybe I am – but something in me tells me not to stop hoping. As I have heard, “hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies”.
I am home – after one year of mismanaged corporate leaves, of absolute emotional helplessness, of growing up, of handling things myself, of grief that came in June, of being broke and un-pampered, and unhappy and of being mad at myself and the world around me. 
