…the biggest yet.

More than 3 months have passed by; still feels like she is just off on a long trip to a distant country. Like she would soon return with stories she’s waiting to reveal. Well, 3 months have passed by. What scares me more is that with each passing day, the memories become so distant, so aloof. The images are greying and it shatters my heart to think of her as someone who was, and, no more is.

Anyway, I’ve been working for 3 years now. Have switched 3 jobs and have done a host of things – some focussed, some absolutely out of the blue. Working brings to a person “the trick of the trade” but I am still a novice in that school. They say professionalism is devoid of emotions, but with me I can barely work without putting my soul in it. And it’s just sad that it doesn’t matter. 3 years, same designation and almost the same package. Doesn’t say much about me now, does it?

Bangalore is getting colder – it rains everyday and that just messes the whole city up. For as much as I love the rains, it’s frustrating to wait for autos in the rain to commute to work and back. Fear of potholes all over the city stops me from getting my own vehicle also. Sigh.

I watched ‘Up’. The Pixar wonder movie is one of the cutest pieces of art I have seen in a long, long time. I strongly recommend watching the movie. It is adorable and extremely touching. Wow.

I have started wearing all colours – well OK maybe not *all*, but most. I am no more black and grey anymore. I actually have a bright yellow top!

I haven’t seen my mother’s face in a year now. I am so absolutely, completely looking forward to going home this Diwali.

You know what’s changed? I am no more an impulsive judge of people. Actually, I don’t judge them at all anymore. For some reason, I don’t want to. I am tired of people judging me and I have developed this aversion to waste my time and energy analysing someone who doesn’t give a damn anyway. Well, to begin with, I am sleeping well. It could also be because I am not stressing out any more. Which, I think, is good. Nothing’s worth it.

I don’t write as often as I used to. It’s quite disheartening to lose trust in my own writing. Hmmmm.

I need a big ego boost – like the biggest yet.

Weather? Rainy and gloomy
State of mind? just about OK
Song? “I gotta feeling”

and this one’s called “I Hate”

I hate the crackling sound of polythene bags.
I hate lizards (thanks for reminding me Tunu).
I hate dried ink pens – they frustrate me.
I hate staying hungry.
I hate mean people.
I hate the inevitability of death.
I hate procrastination.
I hate unambitious guys.
I hate being sick.
I hate going to the Doctor alone.
I hate potholes.
I hate dirty feet.
I hate chipped nailpaint.
I hate torn book covers.
I hate the smell of smoke.
I hate cynical, demotivating people.
I hate to spend my money on commuting in autos.
I hate people without compassion.
I hate body odour.
I hate dirty shoes.
I hate instability.
I hate watching mindless news bulletins.
I hate fake politicians.
I hate firms that don’t treat their employees as humans.
I hate rainy days that confine you.
I hate to see people putting their parents in Old Age homes.
I hate the ambiguity of God.
I hate objectifying of women.
I hate domestic violence.
I hate slippery floors.
I hate that being nice is being dumb these days.
I hate much more.
I just hate.

hung-over

June has been a sadly consequential month. Having lost a friend is a long-time grief that gets processed and unprocessed throughout your life. Anu’s memory has barely even faded and now Navneet’s loss is phenomenally unbearable. Well, on top of that, Navneet’s ’secret’ favourite – Michael Jackson – is also gone. Though I am not a big fan, he was special in his own way and more special because everytime we heard him, it made Navneet smile. In a way, I am relieved as I think she might just meet him up there! After all, it’s his soul that gave music to the world, right? Have fun girl!

Amid all of this grief and futile attempts to ‘deal with it’, I have been trying all ways to digest the fact that she is gone. Well, I am still hungover with what happened last month… From ”retail therapy” to keeping my mind occupied, nothing has really worked. I am also watching a lot of movies, which do help for those few hours. Well, something to begin with!
I watched ‘The Hangover’ the other day. The movie, which is outrageously funny is a m-u-s-t watch! (do I say that a lot?)
Well, a plot around 4 friends who go to Vegas to celebrate their friend’s last 2 days of bachelorhood. And celebrate they do!!!
The movie is so funny that I actually held my tummy and laughed aloud in a crass manner. I usually do not enjoy comedies as most of them do not amuse me, but Hangover made me laugh through and through. Also, Bradley Cooper is HOT!

If you need to keep your mind off, and be entertained in a way that you giggle thinking about the movie even a week later, watch Hangover.