Monthly Archives: December 2008

Pretty Gulmohars

Pretty Gulmohars

Bangalore is a city very close to my heart. If tomorrow I leave this place, I will carry with me many memories- good and bad. Places, people… the city has given me a 360 degree exposure to life and I have somehow managed to crawl out of situations, sometimes victorious, sometimes not…

One of my favourite places in Bangalore is the 100ft Road in Indiranagar. The 100-mt-long stretch connects the Old Airport Road to Old Madras Road, endowed with trees and wide lanes. From old churches to fancy showrooms, the stretch has almost all kinds of stores. Home furnishing, brands, electronics, household goods, eateries, pubs, departmental stores, services apartments, PG accomodations, schools, offices etc., to name a few. Catering to all basic as well as expensive needs of a person, 100 ft road is a fulfilling experience in itself.

I personally find the road the best because of the lovely trees- yes Gulmohars as well- all around the stretch. Huge, massive trees form an embrace of sorts, or are guard you in a way as you ramble on the road, looking around. The road threads through HAL 1st and 2nd stage, Defence Colony, Double Road, CMH Road as well.

The road especially looks nice during Winter and Spring time…

Losing track. Later.

I am homesick. I have been missing home and my parents and my brother a LOT. Cold Delhi winters and warm sunny afternoons, roadside kulchas and bus rides, warm clothes and cute socks, home-made soups and sarso-da-saag! Constantly feeling of being really alone in a distant city plus the whole festive season!!! NOT FAIR!

It is not the best feeling to wake up to a cold Bangalore morning with almost no trace of sunlight or its warmth. You start an early day from cooking and packing lunch to putting things in place… I am getting irritated with daily chores because honestly, nothing and no other place in the world can be my home. Noone can ever replace my parents and I now believe that they are indeed the best. Noone would selflessly love me the way they do, noone would selflessly pamper me the way they do!

My home in Bangalore which is now just a house is devoid of any communication and warmth. Me and my roomie have vaguely drifted apart…and that leaves me with no interest to stay there anymore. I am tired of shocks and ugly surprises and I don’t think I want to deal with anything or anyone, anymore. 

I feel old, like I am married and 30 and my life is running in circles that are so dull but still so hectic. At an age when I should look young and my skin should glow, I look jaded and pale and dead all the time. Sometimes I wonder what exactly is it that I want… As much as I enjoy running a household, I have begun to get irritated with everything coz somewhere deep down I feel I do not deserve to live like this.

Must stop ranting. Got work. Later.

I recently watched two of the Coen brothers’ movies – No Country For Old Men and Burn After Reading. Where NCFOM was slightly discomforting with all the  gore, Burn After Reading was light, and I enjoyed it. Sealed and packed with dark humour, the movie very promisingly puts across various messages to the audience.

Though I liked No Country…as well, I don’t think I particulary enjoyed the movie. The way Anton Chigurh displays emotionless killing in the movie actually deserves applause however the performance left such an impact that now I don’t think I will be able to picture him in any other role!

In Burn After Reading, Brad Pitt’s character- Chad is of an adorable trainer at the gym. He is so smooth with delivery that I have begun to like him as an actor :) John Malkovich is fantastic and so is the lady who plays Linda Lidzke. The satirical plot of the movie makes it easier on the eyes, and on the mind but at the same time is not something everyone would enjoy or understand.

Even though I was in a mood to watch something REALLY light like Madagascar, I ended up laughing in this movie as well. I can take a little bit of violence, not too much and I think that’s just why even though I cringed in a few scenes, I thoroughly enjoyed the movie.

I think the movie enters the list of my favourites and I recommend you go watch it as well!

My Boss forwarded this to me. Worth a read…

ROHINTON MALOO was shot doing two things he enjoyed immensely. Eating good food and tossing new ideas. He was among the 13 diners at the Kandahar , Trident-Oberoi, who were marched out onto the service staircase, ostensibly as hostages. But the killers had nothing to bargain for. The answers to the big questions — Babri Masjid, Gujarat , Muslim persecution — were beyond the power of anyone to deliver neatly to the hotel lobby. The small ones — of money and materialism — their crazed indoctrination had already taken them well beyond. With the final banality of all fanaticism, flaunting the paradox of modern technology and medieval fervour — AK-47 in one hand; mobilephone in the other — the killers asked their minders, “Udan dein?” The minder, probably a maintainer of cold statistics, said,“Uda do.”

Rohinton caught seven bullets, and by the time his body was recovered, it could only be identified by the ring on his finger. Rohinton was just 48, with two teenage children, and a hundred plans. A few of these had to do with TEHELKA, where he was a strategic advisor for the last two years. As Indians, we seldom have a good word to say about the living, but in the dead we discover virtues that strain the imagination. Perhaps it has to do with a strange mix of driving envy and blinding piety. Let me just say Rohinton was charismatic, ambitious, and a man of his time, and place. The time was always now, and in his outstanding career in media marketing, he was ever at the cutting edge of the new — in the creation of Star Networks, and a score of ventures on the web. The place was always Mumbai, the city he grew up in and lived in, and he exemplified its attitudes: the hedonism, the get-go, the easy pluralism.

For me there is a deep irony in his death. He was killed by what he set very little store by.. In his every meeting with us, he was bemused and baffled by TEHELKA’s obsessive engagement with politics. He was quite sure no one of his class — our class — was interested in the subject. Politics happened elsewhere, a regrettable business carried out by unsavoury characters. Mostly, it had nothing to do with our lives. Eventually, sitting through our political ranting, he came to grudgingly accept we may have some kind of a case. But he remained unconvinced of its commercial viability. Our kind of readers were interested in other things, which were germane to their lives — food, films, cricket, fashion, gizmos, television, health and the strategies of seduction. Politics, at best, was something they endured.

In the end, politics killed Rohinton, and a few hundred other innocents. In the final count, politics, every single day, is killing, impoverishing, starving, denigrating, millions of Indians all across the country. If the backdrop were not so heartbreaking, the spectacle of the nation’s elite — the keepers of most of our wealth and privilege — frothing on television screens and screaming through mobile phones would be amusing. They have been outraged because the enduring tragedy of India has suddenly arrived in their marbled precincts. The Taj, the Oberoi. We dine here. We sleep here. Is nothing sacrosanct in this country any more?

What the Indian elite is discovering today on the debris of fancy eateries is an acidic truth large numbers of ordinary Indians are forced to swallow every day. Children who die of malnutrition, farmers who commit suicide, dalits who are raped and massacred, tribals who are turfed out of centuryold habitats, peasants whose lands are taken over for car factories, minorities who are bludgeoned into paranoia — these, and many others, know that something is grossly wrong. The system does not work, the system is cruel, the system is unjust, the system exists to only serve those who run it. Crucially, what we, the elite, need to understand is that most of us are complicit in the system. In fact, chances are the more we have — of privilege and money — the more invested we are in the shoring up of an unfair state.

IT IS time each one of us understood that at the heart of every society is its politics. If the politics is third-rate, the condition of the society will be no better. For too many decades now, the elite of India has washed its hands off the country’s politics. Entire generations have grown up viewing it as a distasteful activity. In an astonishing perversion, the finest imaginative act of the last thousand years on the subcontinent, the creation and flowering of the idea of modern India through mass politics, has for the last 40 years been rendered infra dig, déclassé, uncool. Let us blame our parents, and let our children blame us, for not bequeathing onwards the sheer beauty of a collective vision, collective will, and collective action. In a word, politics: which, at its best, created the wonder of a liberal and democratic idea, and at its worst threatens to tear it down.

We stand faulted then in two ways. For turning our back on the collective endeavour; and for our passive embrace of the status quo. This is in equal parts due to selfish instinct and to shallow thinking. Since shining India is basically only about us getting an even greater share of the pie, we have been happy to buy its half-truths, and look away from the rest of the sordid story. Like all elites, historically, that have presided over the decline of their societies, we focus too much of our energy on acquiring and consuming, and too little on thinking and decoding. Egged on by a helium media, we exhaust ourselves through paroxysms over vacant celebrities and trivia, quite happy not to see what might cause us discomfort.

For years, it has been evident that we are a society being systematically hollowed out by inequality, corruption, bigotry and lack of justice. The planks of public discourse have increasingly been divisive, widening the faultlines of caste, language, religion, class, community and region. As the elite of the most complex society in the world, we have failed to see that we are ratcheted into an intricate framework, full of causal links, where one wrong word begets another, one horrific event leads to another. Where one man’s misery will eventually trigger another’s.

Let’s track one causal chain. The Congress creates Jarnail Singh Bhindranwale to neutralise the Akalis; Bhindranwale creates terrorism; Indira Gandhi moves against terrorism; terrorism assassinates Indira Gandhi; blameless Sikhs are slaughtered in Delhi ; in the course of a decade, numberless innocents, militants, and securitymen die. Let’s track another. The BJP takes out an inflammatory rath yatra; inflamed kar sewaks pull down the Babri Masjid; riots ensue; vengeful Muslims trigger Mumbai blasts; 10 years later a bogey of kar sewaks is burnt in Gujarat; in the next week 2,000 Muslims are slaughtered; six years later retaliatory violence continues. Let’s track one more.. In the early 1940s, in the midst of the freedom movement, patrician Muslims demand a separate homeland; Mahatma Gandhi opposes it; the British support it; Partition ensues; a million people are slaughtered; four wars follow; two countries drain each other through rhetoric and poison; nuclear arsenals are built; hotels in Mumbai are attacked.

IN EACH of these rough causal chains, there is one thing in common. Their origin in the decisions of the elite. Interlaced with numberless lines of potential divisiveness, the India framework is highly delicate and complicated. It is critical for the elite to understand the framework, and its role in it. The elite has its hands on the levers of capital, influence and privilege. It can fix the framework. It has much to give, and it must give generously. The mass, with nothing in its hands, nothing to give, can out of frustration and anger, only pull it all down. And when the volcano blows, rich and poor burn alike.

And so what should we be doing? Well, screaming at politicians is certainly not political engagement. And airy socialites demanding the carpet-bombing of Pakistan and the boycott of taxes are plain absurd, just another neon sign advertising shallow thought. It’s the kind of dumb public theatre the media ought to deftly side-step rather than showcase. The world is already over-shrill with animus: we need to tone it down, not add to it. Pakistan is itself badly damaged by the flawed politics at its heart. It needs help, not bombing.. Just remember, when hardboiled bureaucrats clench their teeth, little children die.

Most of the shouting of the last few days is little more than personal catharsis through public venting. The fact is the politician has been doing what we have been doing, and as an über Indian he has been doing it much better. Watching out for himself, cornering maximum resource, and turning away from the challenge of the greater good.

The first thing we need to do is to square up to the truth. Acknow ledge the fact that we have made a fair shambles of the project of nation-building. Fifty million Indians doing well does not for a great India make, given that 500 million are grovelling to survive. Sixty years after independence, it can safely be said that India’s political leadership — and the nation’s elite — have badly let down the country’s dispossessed and wretched. If you care to look, India today is heartbreak hotel, where infants die like flies, and equal opportunity is a cruel mirage.

Let’s be clear we are not in a crisis because the Taj hotel was gutted. We are in a crisis because six years after 2,000 Muslims were slaughtered in Gujarat there is still no sign of justice. This is the second thing the elite need to understand — after the obscenity of gross inequality. The plinth of every society — since the beginning of Man — has been set on the notion of justice. You cannot light candles for just those of your class and creed. You have to strike a blow for every wronged citizen.

And let no one tell us we need more laws.We need men to implement those that we have.. Today all our institutions and processes are failing us. We have compromised each of them on their values, their robustness, their vision and their sense of fairplay. Now, at every crucial juncture we depend on random acts of individual excellence and courage to save the day. Great systems, triumphant societies, are veined with ladders of inspiration. Electrified by those above them, men strive to do their very best. Look around. How many constables, head constables, sub-inspectors would risk their lives for the dishonest, weak men they serve, who in turn serve even more compromised masters?

I wish Rohinton had survived the lottery of death in Mumbai last week. In an instant, he would have understood what we always went on about. India’s crying need is not economic tinkering or social engineering. It is a political overhaul, a political cleansing. As it once did to create a free nation, India ’s elite should start getting its hands dirty so they can get a clean country.

So when you turn your back and walk away, hoping that noone is waiting for you to look around, praying that you are moving in the right direction, maybe crying tears of regret but not letting anything affect your decision, do you really think it’s over? And the case best dealt?

I wonder. Sitting here, in a brightly lit office, listening to faint giggles and murmurs from the other bays, a situation struck my head. Now, if only I could explain the intricacies of what I am talking would you be able to understand what I am trying to say here. Nevertheless, let it be. Some things are way to complex for a human mind to comprehend.

How can you detach yourself from a memory? Eternal Sunshine on a Spotless Mind is a movie I really like and I think I am going through this strange moment coz I dreamt of it last night. You cannot wipe off a memory. It might fade, it might hide somewhere in the dark, but it is something that not only belongs to you by default but also kind of controls your mind. It surfaces as and when it wants, it drowns at its own wish.

It’s a weird feeling. Everything is so complicated. Sometimes I wish I were a guy, at least I would’ve saved myself the trouble of over-thinking everything, apart from the many other benefits. Ugh. This sucks. I was fine till about a moment ago, and now I am slipping into a dull realisation of an awkward nothingness.

Life is a mixture of all things good, bad and ugly. Then why is it so difficult to move on? WHY do things that happened or did not happen cause so much grief? If only you could pluck it out and throw it in the bin… And mind you, I am not referring to any heart-breaks here. Pains are aplenty and honestly nothing can really mend the harm already brought upon.

Dreams, so beautiful and real, only to the extent of watching them with your eyes closed. The moment you open your eyes, it retreats itself beyond the disappearing wall of deep dark woods. Fine what you wanted did not happen! Fine something you wished would’nt happened, happened only to you! Fine, fine I get it! But really, is that it? Does it hurts so much that you can’t breathe?

Maybe it does. I don’t know. It’s not that bad though… The feeling of a losing what you never really had. A strange feeling of an unrequited love, that can possibly explain the depth of this situation. Unrequited is the word, yes it is.

Anyhow, doesn’t matter.

Very interesting, till date I have read many a posts on many blogs in English and some in German. Today was the first time I read one in Hindi and trust me when I say, it was so beautiful that it touched my soul. With words piercing my non-descript entity to wake up and realise realities of life, I am left numbed…

I realise that emotions do not lose its depth irrespective of which language they are expressed in. An emotion travels beyond boundaries, with nothing confining its identity… And some words are just so beautiful that they add even more depth to the already existing, heartfelt emotion…

Anyway, for all those who can read and understand Hindi:  http://madmandate.blogspot.com

Happy Reading!

November went away in bidding goodbyes, enjoying a wedding and getting introduced at the new workplace. A month went by and all my routines went for a toss. An entire month when SO much happened, but nothing got recorded. Like your baby’s best smile and the camera doesn’t work. Like you see the face of the damn terrorist, and again your camera doesn’t work. I did not get time to post even a single blog. That’s rather shameful… I don’t understand how can we get so busy that we don’t even get time to do what we LOVE doing.

What I also don’t understand is the fact that people are so complex. They are complicated and weird and weird and complicated. Ugh! I mean, no one is in control of their emotions, they are vain, they are self centered, they don’t have a goal in life and then they crib and complain etc.

It is Anu’s birthday. I don’t even know what to write or say. It is strange, with streams of moments just flowing past so quickly, it has become like a sidelined activity to think about people who are special. In this case, she was special. I just wish I could actually wish her with a huge hug but because she is far away with God, I don’t think it’s really that possible. Why, why? I wonder how A feels… they were best friends… hmmm… Miss you Anu. I hope you’re doing fine, wherever you are…

Anyway, must get back to work. Will write more, soon!

I want a laptop!!!

1 year, 3 work places, neat score- isn’t it? So when I left my 1st workplace this Jan to join the second, with hopes of finding my right career path, I had no clue what I was getting into. Nevertheless, tried hard to adjust and get accustomed to the environment at the 2nd work place… as surprising as it sounds, couldn’t even survive for 5 months… I knew I wouldn’t last so started looking out right in August. I joined the 3rd workplace last month.

They say I shouldn’t jump companies like this, but hey you know what? If I don’t like what I am doing, I would obviously not give in my 100%… right? They say it doesn’t look good on the CV to have jumped 3 companies in your working life of 2 years… well, I agree, but I don’t understand why. I need a place that will not let me creativity decay, a place that will give me the opportunity to try out my capabilities in almost all fields…

I am hoping this is it.

I need a break, hardly got time to really ‘get over’ the previous workplace… Watched Dasvidaniya, starring Vinay Pathak. WHAT A MOVIE! Got me thinking!! It is not abnormal to find similarities with characters in movies. But the whole ‘let’s-make-a-list-for-everything’’ attitude is kind of overwhelming in me. And trust me, I am so totally capable of going the way he did in the movie.