Dipped n Out!

Hey everybody! I am back from my trip back home… Home…

08/08/08- terrible, terrible day of my life. Lost temper at work, broke down at work, huge scene out there… I lost my ATM card because of my own foolishness and some moron swiped money off my card. What a terrible day that was.

No it didn’t quite end with that. What got carried on to the next day was realisation about what all I had lost. Then lost my temper again and again and again. Then came Sunday; a sweet, rainy Sunday morning when Rajiv and PG drove me around the town to help me catch the ‘right’ bus to the airport. Paranoid that I am, I was hyperventilating already. Calm and composed PG, accompanied me all the way to the airport. Lovely bus ride, lovely lovely weather. The much awaited trip had already begun in my head.

Started reading Sula on the flight. Written by Toni Morrison, a story of two friends who grow together to be different individuals and yet accept and nurture the friendship they had sowed years ago. A beautiful story in the town of Medallion.

Reached the aiport to be greeted by my notorious brother who wouldn’t stop making fun of my nose pin. Aggrr… Fortunately, the weather in Delhi was very kind to me It had been raining for the past couple of weeks and hence was extremely pleasant when I got there. Anyway, got home, was taken aback by a comment made by Dad so took things easy. OK moving on… spent first 3-4 days bank-hopping…finishing pending tasks at home… trying to put things in place… Whatever.

Friday, August 15 was mum’s birthday. So we just randomly decided to go for a trip somewhere nearby. So, we went to Haridwar. Reached in the evening and without any more delay, we went to Har Ki Paudi. That’s the bank all devotees visit and prefer to take a dip in. There was no plan of ‘dipping’ in the Ganges though the moment we reached that place, a feeling extraordninary dawned upon us and we decided to dive in. 

*** Later***

disclosure

Unveiling, as I’d like to call it. This is exactly what I experienced the past few days. By the way, my birthday was great. Lots of surprises. LOTS.

Guess what? I am pissed again. This time, more than people, it is the concept of ‘corporates’ that’s pissing me off. Anyway, my career does not seem to be going anywhere. With not-so-great people moving up the ladder all the time, I am in second thoughts about this whole stuff. I mentioned previously that I am not comfortable with a BPO setup. But now I think, even professionally, BPO is *not* where I want to be. There are ample growth opportunities for ”operations”. ”Support” just is the background department everyone depends upon but nobody cares for. I have met people who have not got a single promotion in three years; not coz they are bad, but because they don’t need one. I mean, HELLO!!!

Anyway, I go blank and then come back to life in weird phases. I have been extremely sick-both mentally and physically. Mentally you know how I am. Physically, I guess it’s my lets-wheeze-as-much-as-we-can month. Holy CraP!

Like a dear friend put it, “we all need a break. We need to resurrected our departed souls. What are we doing, really?” Damn. You keep running aimlessly on directionless roads and then end up realising how it was a wrong route altogether! I mean, for some reason, you just aren’t happy! And no, it has nothing to do with the fact that you don’t value what you get. It’s simple. You know you are good, you have been doing good work, you are smart and confident and qualified and then you realise, even after 5 odd months, people ask your colleagues whether ‘that chic’s new’. HUH.

Identity crisis? No. This is a clear cut case of LOSS OF IDENTITY. You work like a donkey, and people don’t even know you!

I have just come too far. I should have gone back home and not fallen for this trap of a huge brand that got sold out in a less than a month. And now, I AM IN A MESS; surrounded by people who are good at nothing but are up there!! woohoo!! The only reason I am here is for my boss. She is GOOD.

That was all professional. Personally, I have been doing fine. Things are O.K.  In control. Sometimes it really hits you when you’re walking down the lane and find a bunch of friends giggling and making noise at a Coffee Day. I just stopped and thought about my friends. We have moved on, might not really be sorted but have coped with life, or are still attempting to do so. But all that was there, nice or not-so-nice, has all gone missing. There are no silly fights, no desperate ‘brokeness’, no gossip, nothing. All the reasons to be happy have disappeared. And we very nicely try to please and comfort ourselves by telling our hearts, ‘hey value what you’ve got. Stop cribbing will you?’. But why should’nt I crib? Why shouldn’t I want more from life? Why shouldn’t I think of my friends and wish for them to be around? I miss all my friends. Adi. Battery. Shalini. Navin. Tunu. Kunal. Navneet. Ash. Pratish

 Sick of everything right now. Never mind.

State of mind? I couldn’t say.

Weather? I’m freezing in the ac office. No clue what’s happening outside.

Song? Listening to Stairway to heaven.