Monthly Archives: July 2008

Birthday on 27th. I don’t know the exact emotion piling onto my head but it’s again very weird. Last year, my friend and roomie surprised me with yummy pastries from Barista and this really cool gift. Right in the morning, my darling surprise walked into the house and I was totally zapped. That day was nice. I don’t really have a special liking for birthdays but I think for people around you, your birthday means a lot… I can see it… Some are too excited for it, some too sad for not being able to do anything that day… :)

You should celebrate life everyday and not wait for one occasion. Just a thought. One of my colleagues is forever ready to celebrate! Always wants to be merry and he does merry as well. Sometimes I wish I could be so carefree like that… Uff…

I am bored. None of my teammates are in office. I am so bored. Aggrr!

I went down to the mall all by myself. I hate doing that. I went with a hope to find a known face. Apart from the guys behind the Coffee Day counter who waved at me as they handed over a parcel to a customer, I didn’t really see anyone I know. And for some reason, I had to talk; Speak out. Speak up. Share.

The silent void has crawled back in. He says read, do more things, ‘chillout’… I tried but in vain… I am completely lost and lonely once again. This time, retrospection has surpassed all stages of thinking and has left me chained and bound with intangible wires of negativity and apprehensions.

I am reconsidering a lot of things. Decisions I made, are they really final? It’s never known till it ends. What’s freaky is that I can see a few others going through what I feel. And in any case, in this BPO type setup, half the people are either sad, or lost, or confused or sad. I mean, it’s a culture not everyone adapts. It’s been 5 months now and I haven’t.

He is right. I shouldn’t build my life around one particular object or thing. I am emotionally extreme and not everyone can deal with this. I balance out every other act but when it comes to emotions with certain someones, I am bad at it. Yea, that makes it the second negative characteristic of mine, first being ‘bad at judgements’. But from whatever little I know, I like to have a centre I can work around; like a focus of my life that I can fly around and come back to. Be it work, or a person, or my home or maybe a book. The moment the focus tells me to loosen up a bit, I tend to fly in all weird directions like headless chicken. I like stability. I like it a lot. And it keeps me sane.

Another thing about me contrary to my zodiac is, I like being chained. Ok maybe not chained, but in a way, I want the sets to overlap somewhere. I cannnot stay in my centre and have only doors all around it. I want to be in my centre that overlaps with other circles of people in my life, people who ‘really’ matter. And I think this predicts a weird sense of dependency that I enjoy enjoying. I like my independence but I love my dependency. And I know people I depend on will not take this too well. They probably might feel strangled and ask me to really lay off. Possible, very.

Also, I am not going to bother so much about things. It’sjust one life, people come and people go. Everybody moves on, life moves on. I have had enough of ”working towards” and ”waiting with patience”… If they don’t understand my worth, it’s their loss. Not mine.

Anyway, enough. Like someone said, F**K it…

What began as a trivial topic of discussion over lunch, actually took shape and landed us all in beautiful place called Hoganekkal near Karnataka- Tamil Nadu border. My office team went on a super-short trip to this super-stunning place, 150kms from Bangalore.

After going around the city picking people up from all corners for almost two hours, we left for Hoganekkal at 8:30 am in the morning. The driver was, well, a bit too careful and drove at a speed of 60-80 kms/hr. After filling his pot belly with a heavy breakfast somewhere on Hosur road, we finally set off for a non-stop drive to Hoganekkal. It was extremely hot and we were all aprehensive about how on earth will we have fun in the sun; nobody really wanted to get tanned!

Somehow, after a 4-hour long journey we hit the town and called Rama, the guy (guide) for our ‘trip’. He took us on this narrow lane running parallel to Cauvery. Oh by the way, the lane we were on was Tamil Nadu and the area across the river Karnataka! Strange…

Anyway, Rama took us to the bank of the river where we waited for our coracle that would take us to the other side of the river (Karnataka). On our way, in the middle of the river, the boatman decided to spin the coracle creating a whirlpool driving us insane. I felt the first gush of excitement at that time. After a lot of screaming and mad laughter, we reached the island. Our coracle was followed by another one which carried the cooking material, our luggage and dear lady cook.

As we walked to the other side of the island discussing who will go for the massage first, we saw this beautiful stream of water, surrounded by huge hills that encompass that area. The hills, some green some naked, created quite a scenic beauty. It looked like a perfect painting. Wow.

I am scared of water. I stayed behind the group that went quite berserk when they saw the river. Our ‘camp’ was lovely. With this tiny inlet of river dividing two pieces of land, we had a perfect place to chill out. Just when we were getting acquainted with the place, we saw our colleague slip and fall into the water. :D And I think that did it for us, we all just jumped in and were playing in water for the next 5 hours. Wine, some yummy fish, good massage and friends- a perfect treat.

Wine: We looked for wine more than we would look for water in a desert. Finally found one shady shop and picked up some booze. Would advise you go prepared whenever you go as a) you won’t find anything good there and b) whatever you will find is highly expensive!

Fish: I am a vegetarian. But for some reason I have an influence of the many Bengali’s in my life and I tried fish. I tried fish to an extent that I wiped off 2 plates of fish fry sitting pretty in the water. The fish is fresh and it’s yumm!

Real Fish: While we all ate and drank immersed in water like lazy lumps, we suddenly saw this group of atleast a 100 fish all around us. They were tiny and cute and were biting us all over! Also, I was told that these fish come and eat off all the dead skin on your body. And I didn’t believe him till I saw my legs!!! :D

Massage: Before the act, let me give you a brief about the lady. The lady, who is the cook and also one of the boatman’s wife was a tall, dark, hefty lady with a very attractive face and lot of gold. She didn’t look too clean but definately did not look poor. She was so big that she overshadowed everybody in our group. Well, coming back to the act. She broke my bones as I moaned and screamed in pain. What sounded like a *fun* session was not all that fun. I actually heard my bones crack!!! And the oil STANK!!

The Wash: No, they just don’t leave you soaked in stinking oil covered with sand. They also give you a wash in the river. Not that the bath really helps as the soap or whatever that was stinks like the oil. She rinsed my hair so thouroughly that whatever little hair I had, I saw it floating away in water. Eeks! Hey, I am not trying to sound mean here. The massage was indeed pretty relaxing and the bath was, well, extraordinary.

After all the food and the massage, we kind of got into some serious discussions about life, aspirations, career, relatonships etc. Well, never mind that.

At around 6: 15 pm, we finally decided to get out of the water and go visit the famous waterfall from the Roja fame. Evening sky, excited birds flying back home, soft splashes of water, surrouding trees, distant hills…and amongst all of that was I. Sitting in the coracle all of us became exeptionally quiet. We just observed life around us and absorbed the beauty of the moment. It was serene and absolutely spectacular.

After getting to the point from where we had to again sit in the coracle to go near the waterfall. This was the most amazing part of the trip. He took our coracle right under the fall!!! AWESOME!!!!

Then nothing. We changed into dry clothes. Looked for our cab driver who had gone missing. Negotiated over money and drove back to Bangalore. Oh by the way, in this entire process of switching coracles, my right leg fell straight into this gap of tree roots in water and hurt my knee. I now have a very cool blood clot.

Driving back was a 5-hour long journey and we all slept like drunk logs.

Awesome trip. Must go. Later.

Weather is great today.

No, it’s not just the condition of my house but also reflects what the state of my mind is. Anyhow, about the house; till the time we did not have a maid, the house was clean and there were no issues whatsoever. Now that we have got a maid to take care, suddenly our dependency level has shot the roof, and well we’re in a fix. She has not turned up in a week. In full enthu I cleaned, mopped, washed all the utensils on Saturday. But now, it’s Wednesday and the house is even worse than how it was on Sunday. And I am not going to bother anymore coz I am sick of this. And I hate the fact that I have become so dependent on her.

Oh, they have again screwed up on my account details so no salary. Oh by the way, I hate people. I just hate everyone today. I mean, they have the gall up act silly and then hang up on me and still expect ME to call them back!!! Good heavens!!!

I saw this really cute old lady near my house the other day. She looks like she is 100 and has thin, fine wrinkes all over her face and neck. She wears spectacles the size of her face and looks adorable. Tiny and very cute.

Have I ever told you about this particular dog in my vicinity? He is so cute. He has a pig nose. I wonder how.

I haven’t been doing much in life. I am dying to do something bizzarre. I am still thinking what it could be… Oh, I turn 24 this month :D So I am all kicked about growing a year older. Not that wisdom has really dawned upon my tiny silly brain but oh well. With age comes experience and people become wise. In most our cases, we only become even more confused and end up acting silly coz we think we are all grown up when we really aren’t.

Also, I have realised that I am not going to take responsibilty of making judgements about people. I am quite bad at it. Not that I have disappointed myself everytime but each time I begin forming an opinion about someone in my head, that person surprises me by doing something absoultely opposite!!! Ugh.  I am not good at judging people. I am not cut out for this. Cannot deal with random people giving me crap all the time. I am pissed.

Trying to gather these silly scattered pieces of thoughts, emotions, dwindling between extremities of nothingness, I am done.

Go away…