:)

As I sit here alone

By a grim windowpane

Lost in warped thoughts of love and restrain

The moment surpasses the realm of reality,

And I submerge into my thoughts so plain.

 

Thoughts clutter my mind

As I try to collect

These scattered tads of a broken heart

The shattered dreams shine bright at me

As I find my way out from the dark.

 

The tranquil sky sleeps bathed in blue,

Comforting the chaos in my mind so wild

I think of you and I think of you

My thoughts become so soft and mild

 

I know I am all that you are not

I know I am not the one you want

But for all that I am, 

And for all that I can be,

I promise you a love for eternity…

 

me

13.11.2006

 

 

…chapters?

Here’s the thing: There are good chapters and bad chapters in life. A chapter is an important division of anything. In our case, we our talking about the evergreen subject called Life. Now, there are some chapters you might miss, some you don’t complete. The chapters that you don’t complete are the ones that haunt you for the rest of your life. Now the question is, if it couldn’t be gracefully ended, it means it wasn’t intended to be done so, right? That means, the beauty (value) of that chapter lies in the fact that it is incomplete…has loose ends…could not be packed and sealed to move on. Makes sense?

Incomplete chapters are a pain of weird sorts. They live under your skin, in companionship with your subconcious, which is anyway the ‘all-knower’. So it’s like, it’s there, but hey look around, not really! Such chapters linger. They just linger and linger. Oh, I love the song as well. Cranberries rock.

Anyway, now that I’ve lost focus, let me tell you an interesting thing. We go for our usual morning walks at around 6:30 in the morning. Today, I noticed a very sweet thing. An old person in his late sixties comes to the park with his grand daughter who, I think, is around 4. Adorable thing about them is that both of them jog together. To keep pace with her, the old man jogs very, very slowly. The kid who usually tags behind him runs as fast as she can to cope with her Granpa. I could’t stop staring at the duo and kept thinking to myself about how life comes back full circle. There’s one who is slowing down because he has walked too much, and the other one, can’t walk fast coz she barely can walk. And yet, they do it together; support, affection and enthusiasm of life drives them together. So cute.

Missing Dad today. I remember how he would run behing my cycle when I was first learning to ride one. And the moment I see Daddy not there, I would surely go bump into something or someone (in most cases). Dads you know, they are just so nice. Always there. Even today, even though I am earning, each time I leave home to come to Bangalore, he gives me money. And, that makes me so happy. The whole sense of security and affection comes crawling back. I might have grown older, but I’ll always be his little girl. And I find utmost peace in that. I love you Dad. (should call him now)

State of mind? Retrospective

Song? Linger

Weather? Weirdly hot given the fact that it poured like crazy last night. Bah!

Finally.

Attended a wedding this morning. A couple I’ve known for some time now. Finally, they are together.

Sitting in the hall staring at them perform all the ceremonial rituals, I was going ”awwww” in my head. They look adorable. They look happy. They finally look at peace with one another. I couldn’t stop smiling

I wish them all the joys of the world and a great great married life.

State of mind? awwww

Weather? Doesn’t matter

Song? Linger

 

“There’s an unceasing wind that blows through this night
And there’s dust in my eyes, that blinds my sight
And silence that speaks so much louder that words,
Of promises broken…”- Sorrow, Pink Floyd

on the verge of losing ‘insanity’…

In an abrupt moment in an extraordinary world, trying to figure out speechless conversations of an oblivious mind, I came to a denouement: everything is something only because you don’t think it’s nothing.

Do I sound stoned? Maybe, but it totally makes sense. I *love* complications because I know they are unreal. Oh, by the way, do you believe in Spirits? Aliens? Life after Death? Time Machines?

A certain someone tells me that it is ”good” to be weird because it gives you a different perspective about life. Well, I agree with him. Though I feel that ‘weirdness’ is highly subjective and one cannot possibly draw a conclusion on anyone else’s behalf. Well, that said and done, I wonder who actually decides what is natural and what’s considered, uhm, ‘weird’?

In a discussion with my roomie the other day, she pointed at a very interesting point; first impressions. Well, in our case, when we first met, she noticed that I was ”not good looking”. Hmm, well. But honestly, that’s not what I first notice about people. I usually end up noticing their shoes, or the nail paint (if it’s a girl), the shape of their specs, clothes, the perfume etc. When my senses are done scrutinising that, I look at their faces and notice their eyes. Next thing I observe is the way they talk. Oh by the way, while at it, I usually conclude if the person is warm or not. Now, what my roomie said was very normal, though I might find it weird. My way of forming a ‘first impression’ is this, which I am sure, you will find weird.

I hate it when people tell me- ‘You think too much Shubha!’. Ugh. What’s with you??

Anyway, there are times when I scare myself with some really balanced, well thought of decisions and I fear losing my insanity which I have dearly held on for so many years of my life. I like how we all have moments, some vaguely smart, some weirdly weird. Well, that’s why I think I like to think coz that keeps me insane which I think I really like.