It’s coming back. The whole dull, depressing, morose phase that I struggled to pass through a few months back is slowly seeping into my life now. I can feel it. I can sense it so strongly. Ugly dreams, waking up in the middle of the night sweating, losing touch, losing track… I am tired. I am fatigued, and exhausted. I need to do something. I need some help.
I finish one year at my current work place today. Instead of feeling nice about having achieved something, I feel this heavy, sorrowful void in the pit of my stomach. I feel older and more worn out. I know the clock is ticking. My time in Bangalore is soon going to get over. I feel like I am losing something…something I am subconsciously held on to. Now, as I live each day here, I picture it all as a running memory in an old frame. I just know it’s going to get over, I am unwillingly waiting too…
In one year, I have grown so much as a human being. I have learnt so much. I have met so many people. I have been with right ones and the wrong ones; have decided to be what and who I want to be. I have made decisions, have shown efficiency, have goofed up, have handled situations… It feels weirdly nice… I don’t know…
Half my life is over and the other half, I am dreading. Insecurity? Fear? Anticipation?
I couldn’t sleep well last night too. Unwanted memories came as a blow and I just couldn’t hide myself. I need to get a grip. I need to, you know, do something about myself and my life.
But I am old now…actually older…
Later.
