Give me one reason…

Give me one reason to stay here and I’ll turn right back around
Give me one reason to stay here and I’ll turn right back around
Because I don’t want leave you lonely
But you got to make me change my mind
Baby I got your number and I know that you got mine
But you know that I called you I called too many times
You can call me baby you can call me anytime
But you got to call me

Give me one reason to stay here – and I’ll turn right back around
Give me one reason to stay here – and I’ll turn right back around
Because I don’t want leave you lonely
But you got to make me change my mind

I don’t want no one to squeeze me – they might take away my life
I don’t want no one to squeeze me – they might take away my life
I just want someone to hold me and rock me through the night

This youthful heart can love you and give you what you need
This youthful heart can love you and give you what you need
But I’m too old to go chasing you around
Wasting my precious energy

Give me one reason to stay here – and I’ll turn right back around
Give me one reason to stay here – and I’ll turn right back around
Because I don’t want leave you lonely
But you got to make me change my mind

Baby just give me one reason – Give me just one reason why
Baby just give me one reason – Give me just one reason why I should stay
Because I told you that I loved you
And there ain’t no more to say …

Tracy Chapman

…but I have still haven’t found…

I have climbed the highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you
I have run I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
these city walls
Only to be with you
But I still haven’t found
What I’m looking for
But I still haven’t found
What I’m looking for
I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire
I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone
But I still haven’t found
What I’m looking for
But I still haven’t found
What I’m looking for
I believe in the Kingdom Come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
bleed into one
But yes I’m still running.
You broke the bonds
And you loosened the chains
Carried the cross
And my shame
And my shame
You know I believed it
But I still haven’t found
What I’m looking for
But I still haven’t found
What I’m looking for
I have climbed the highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you
I have run I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
these city walls
Only to be with you
But I still haven’t found
What I’m looking for
But I still haven’t found
What I’m looking for
But I still haven’t found
What I’m looking for
But I still haven’t found
What I’m looking for

the I that belongs to Me

 From the moment you are born, till the time you breathe your last, and sometimes even after that, there are innumerable roles that you play in life. Many are robotically achieved, many voluntarily taken upon. There is a chaos of multiple characters that besiege your life. There are boundaries and limitations and bondages that follow you wherever you go.  

 A compliant daughter, a caring sister, an observant student, a committed friend, a helpful neighbour, an aunt, a niece, a social animal, bonded labour… these are just a few of those many responsible labels that you have to carry out, willingly or otherwise.  Irrespective of whether you like it or not, there are expectations that you have to meet, smiles that you have to create, tears that you have to wipe and bonds you have to sustain. If only you could choose the roles you would want to play in life, things would’ve been different. Different might not mean better, but only different. Sticking by the norms of the society, you are grounded for life, without your consent. Ok you know, maybe I am not flipping through the other side of this chapter, but I am not even asking for too much. When I see my mother sacrifice SO many things because of whatever reasons, I wonder if she ever thinks about herself, for a change. In a very hushed way, the whole concept of sacrifice is grilled in me as well. Sharing and caring is something that was taught when we are 2. I still repeat that I do not have an issue with doing all of this, but the sheer concept of sharing and caring falls flat on the ground the moment you don’t do it with full heart. I mean, it loses its meaning. It should come from within, don’t you think?

  In the invariable tussle to balance the many roles that I play, I feel lost in these confused, shrinking identities. I forget who I am. I lose track of what the purpose of my life could be. I strongly believe that ‘balance’ is the most important thing in life, but in this bedlam I completely forget what or rather who the real me is… So what is it that I am trying to strike a balance between? How much more can I fight it out with the outside world full of strange relations- good or bad? What about the being that defines who I am? Negation of all bondages has to lead to something that will belong just to me. That is what I am searching for- the ‘I’ that belongs to me. 

 But then, maybe negation of all these things will be nothing, no essence of my existence will linger. And like I always say what I strongly feel; for what, when we know we will end up in dust? Hmmm. Oh well.

State of mind? Down and out 

Weather? It is H-O-T! This part of Delhi, I DO NOT LIKE!!! 

Song? Dil dhoondhta hai…